Today I went for my pre-surgery check up. I thought nothing when I went to the office, parked my car, took the elevator up, waited for my appointment. I had my EKG with the nurse. Then my doctor came in. And we began talking. I asked him what he thought about my impending surgery. He said he was worried. I asked why. He said because I am the "poster child for RA" he is worried that I will not heal well.
He calls me the poster child for RA because if there is an infection I will get it, if there is a weird thing, I will have it, if there is a slight chance something could happen, it will happen. I am just that person. The Lucky Person! I get all the gifts! My friends laugh!
Since I don't heal well and recuperate well, he is worried this will not go well. He said I never want you to have surgery. Ever.
Case in point: Knee surgery prior to being diagnosed took 9 months to heal. Supposed to be up and walking in three days! I had to have a second knee surgery because I still could not walk after the first one.
Appendicitis should take about a week to be up and moving about. Two weeks to be part time back at work. I was back at work at two weeks only to end up back in the hospital with a secondary infection! Three more weeks to recoup from that.
A simple case of a cough that turned into bronchitis and then pneumonia. You all know! It is never simple.
Here I am in his office and he is telling me this two weeks before surgery. What do I do? He suggests a second opinion but that would mean putting off the surgery. I have everything organized! I just told all my clients and they are all ready.
He asks me if it limits my life in any way. Well, YES. It isn't as painful as it was a year ago or even 9 months ago but I think I am just used to it. As we all know RA patients have crazy pain tolerance. I think a regular person would have given up by now. I can walk fine as long as I don't twist my foot/ankle in any way. Once I do ZING, knife through my ankle. So I don't walk my dogs or walk very far. I have put on weight from not exercising. I am not myself because I can't do things. So, yeah, it has limited my life.
He then told me (after I asked) what could go wrong. He said it could end up worse off then it is now. Better the Devil you know, then the Devil you don't?
Now I am distraught. What to do? I was so mentally ready to get this done. Now I am so conflicted. To do the surgery or not do the surgery, that is the question.
Until tomorrow...
Adrienne, you knew all this before you talked to your doc today--you were the one who went through the prolonged recoveries--but you'd already decided to have this surgery. Are you taking biologics or other meds that will increase the likelihood of infection? Can you stop them now, if you are, just in case? Your surgeon knows about your RA too, right? And your history? He's confident about this surgery and the necessity?
ReplyDeleteI think you should go with your heart on this. You know how much that foot pain affects your daily life better than anyone. Did your surgeon suggest that the surgery will resolve your pain, once healed? Talk to him again before you make a decision.
This is hard, I know. I don't envy you. But I wish you the best, as always. Rest and relax this weekend. Feel well. You know what's best for you, and that will help you decide, finally, which option to take. Believe in yourself.
Thank you Wren. Yes the surgeon seems to be very familiar with RA. Is the surgery necessary? Well I am not limping around anymore. But is that because I have gotten used to the pain? I don't know. It hurts quite a bit if I twist my foot the slightest bit when walking. Like a knife wound. Can they guarantee I will be better after? I should be but who knows they told me. Is it necessary? Not immediately but I will continue to feel this way until it gets fixed.
DeleteOh you poor thing! What a curve ball to throw you so late in the inning. I am not sure why this doc didn't bring all this up earlier? I can't give you the decision but want you to know that whatever you decide, I am sending out as many positive thoughts into this universe for you as I can muster.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I didn't ask this doctor his opinion before. I knew I had a history of long recoveries and infections. I just always think I can beat the odds. Thank for your kind words!
DeleteWithout the surgery, there's no chance your foot will get better. With the surgery, there are chances things will not get better or you will have complications. But life is about taking chances. I haven't had to go through the difficult recoveries you've experienced in the past, but I think I would still have the surgery if I were in your position.
ReplyDeleteJust because you've had complications in the past, does not mean you will this time. I believe we can talk ourselves into being sick, or more to the point, we can help our bodies recover by having a positive attitude. There's nothing worse than having your mind sabotage your body (I've experienced this with my spine issues.) It seems to me that I always do better when I think I'm going to do better.
You seem always positive about anything that comes your way, I'm have confidence you'll do well if you decide to have the surgery.