FORGIVENESS

In Real Simple magazine March 2013 edition, there is an article about forgiveness. That made me think of some examples of when I have forgiven someone or something.

When I was first diagnosed I was angry for a short time. I was angry that my life was going to change. Angry that I would not be able to do things. Angry that my plans for my life were being changed and it was out of my control. Then I realized that was not going to get me anywhere. All that anger wasn't healthy. I needed to forgive my body, my immune system and move on. Move to a better place. I started eating healthier, eventually left my toxic job, started my own business, started cooking my own food, and basically taking care of me. Now I am no longer mad at my body and my immune system. I know they are just out of whack but basically doing their job. They are just over-achievers!

A long time a go I had a friend from college. We were real close. She was in my wedding (story for another time) and we were real close. I moved out west and she moved to Ohio. She had some personal issues and I tried to be a good friend. We would talk on the phone. She came to visit. Then one day out of the blue, she didn't pick up the phone. I never heard from her again. I called and left messages to apologize for whatever I did because I didn't know what I did! I sent notes and cards and got nothing in return. Finally I had to stop. It was tearing me up. I finally forgave her for just ending our friendship like that without telling me why. It was horribly unfair. If I saw her today I would be happy to see her. It doesn't mean I wouldn't want to know what happened. I am just not mad anymore.

Have you had a reason to forgive someone or something?

Until tomorrow...

HOLIDAYS

Isn't it interesting which holidays are important holidays and which aren't? Over the years some holidays change in their importance. Different areas of the country have different holidays of importance.

When I lived back East, holidays like Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, Lent and Good Friday were a big deal. Everyone would have ash on their forehead on Ash Wednesday and all businesses were closed on Good Friday. Easter was a huge holiday. I understand these are religious holidays and maybe folks are just outwardly more involved in organized religion on the East Coast. On the West Coast I don't see hoards of people with ash on their forehead or folks talking about giving up things for lent.

Now I live out West where there are holidays like Cesar Chavez Day, International Women's Day, Indigenous People's Day and Halloween. When I tell folks on the East Coast that we have Cesar Chavez day off, they go "what?" Many of them don't even know who Cesar Chavez is or that there was a grape picker's strike. Halloween is a big holiday around the country but no where as big as the West Coast. And not just for kids! It is a huge adult holiday too. I think it has to do with the weather! Back East you wouldn't be caught in a costume like you would on the West Coast. People out here plan all year to make the most outrageous and innovative costumes.

It is interesting to me that different holidays are bigger and more important in different locations around the country. With that I will wish you a Good Friday on Maundy Thursday.

Until Tomorrow...

YAWN

I wish I knew what was going on. Once again I am just really tired. Like exhausted. Like fall asleep at 2:30 in the afternoon tired.

I can't seem to get up in the morning and am tired at 10 pm. There doesn't seem to be a reason. I am taking all my meds. I haven't stayed up late or anything.

I need to test my B12 and see if it is low but I don't think so. Yawn!

Well, my Enbrel shot is tonight, maybe that will perk me up.

Until tomorrow...

DAILY GRIND

My root canal went well. We had a long talk (as long as you can have with various instruments in my mouth) about my teeth grinding. I know I have talked about my teeth grinding before but I don't think I have explained it.

For as far back as I can remember I have ground my teeth. Even as a small child my mother used to wake me up because of my teeth grinding. When I got older I got the first of many night guards. Not soon enough to stop my teeth from being cracked.

Over the years I have woken people up with my teeth grinding, woken myself up, and woken up with a sore jaw. Once years ago, I woke up with almost lock jaw. I rushed to the dentist when I could not open my mouth. He gave me some muscle relaxers and a few hours later I was good as new. But that was scary!

People always say I am too stressed but I don't think my teeth grinding has anything to do with stress most of the time. I have ground my teeth for so long I think it is habit.

So, today I had the root canal prep for my gold cap. No porcelain for me. Teeth grinders can crack porcelain. A mouth full of gold caps. For now I have a temporary for two weeks.

Until tomorrow...

FLAGS ARE BEING FLOWN

On the eve of the Supreme Court listening to arguments on Prop 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act, a CNN poll said 53% of Americans support same-sex marriage and 57% say they have a family member or close friend who is gay. I guess the tide is turning.

My partner and I went to San Francisco during the Winter of Love 2004 to get married. It was moving to see the lines of people waiting to get married. In the rain. In the dark. In the cold. Sleeping in their cars. Strangers from all over the world sending flowers to couples standing in line. People cheering when each couple came out of City Hall.

It will be an interesting couple of days hearing the arguments. Then a anxious couple of months waiting for the judgments.


Have to have a root canal tomorrow. Ugh! Better a root canal than a broken tooth!

Until tomorrow...

BILLY ELLIOTT REDUX

Tonight was movie night! We decided to watch an oldie but a goodie: Billy Elliott. I had forgotten how cute it was. I also didn't know the historical context of the movie. Billy Elliott was based during the 1984-85 UK Coal Miners Strike.

I went to school for a short period of time in England and learned about the coal miners strike. The strike was different than a strike here in the US. In the US the strike would be between the coal miners and a coal mining company. In the UK the strike was more political. Coal mining was nationalized and managed by the National Coal Board. In 1984 the NCB announced there would be 20 pits closed. Unbeknown to miners, the Thatcher government put a plan in place that included stock piling coal supplies. The miners went out on strike. The strike was violent and there were ten deaths. The lack of coal hit the miners very hard during the winter months since much of the country' power stations had been switched over to petroleum but not the miners homes. After one year there was a vote and the strike was ended. This was a terrible blow to the National Miners Union and a win for Thatcher's government.

The group cried at the end of the movie. If you have not seen Billy Elliott, rent it. It is a great movie.

Until tomorrow...

POUNDING

I have a horrible migraine that just won't quit.

Until tomorrow...

SPRING TIME

I remember as a kid how excited I was when spring came. I love to see flowers in bloom. When I was very young we had a large field behind our house that was part of a farm. The farm grew soybeans and always had wild flowers blooming. It is funny that I grew up next to a soybean field and I became a vegetarian. When I got older the farmer sold the field and houses were built. No more flowers.

When I was in college I was lucky enough to travel to Holland. It was in the spring when the tulips were blooming. Just field after field of tulips. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Imagine a whole field of white or red or pink. Beautiful!

When I got married the first time, I had lots of flowers. I have always felt that we have lots of flowers two times in our lives: weddings and funerals. Since I won't be around for my funeral, I had plenty of flowers at my wedding.

I try to by flowers when I can. They brighten up a room and a day!

Until tomorrow...

WHAT A DAY!

First, happy birthday Dad!

Yesterday morning I downloaded an update to the Walgreens app on my smartphone. If you have a smartphone you know this is something you do almost everyday. Some days I download a bunch of updates. The Walgreens app kept trying to download all day. I have my phone set to only download when the wifi is turned on. I finally set the phone to airport so it would stop downloading. This morning the phone began turning on and off by it self. I was convinced it was possessed. I went to my dental appointment (only to hear that my teeth grinding is going to cost me another $1,300 in root canals and cracked teeth. Yippee!) and tried again to make the constant downloading of the Walgreens update stop. No luck. Even with no wifi the app keeps looking for a wifi to download it and when it can't find one, it turns off the phone.

When I came home from the dentist, I called tech support and we spent 2.5 hours over the phone trying to fix it, backing everything up and then trying to reset it back to the factory default. It was supposed to take 5-15 minutes to reset to factory defaults. 3 hours later, the little Android guy was still on the screen. It was now 4 pm and I was getting desperate. No phone, no contacts. Yikes!

I drove to the phone store and bought a new phone. The salesperson was very nice, a relief after my last experience. I was in and out in just about an hour. I have a very nice Droid Razor. I will miss my Droid 2. Although the reset to factory default failed and despite being turned off the phone is still looking to download the Walgreens app!

In case you are wondering, no I have not put the Walgreens app on the new phone!! Steering clear of Walgreens apps for the time being.

Until tomorrow...

NO SHARPS CONTAINER

Years ago when I was on holiday in Florida, I brought along Enbrel. I gave myself my shot and then realized that I didn't have a Sharps container to dispose of my needles. I had my dad drive my to the

local chain store pharmacy. I asked the pharmacy employee for a Sharps container. I was met with a big NO. Turns out that in Florida one can not get a Sharps container from the pharmacy just by walking in. Yes, once again I was looked at like I was a junkie; a heroin addict. If I got a dollar for every time I have been accused, looked at or questioned as if I am a heroin addict, I would have more than 10 dollars!

After a bit of haggling and explaining the pharmacist came over and looked at my needles and saw the Enbrel logo. She gave me a lecture about traveling with a Sharps container and then let me put the needles in a container. What a difference from the West Coast. With needle exchange programs, big cities are happy to get the needles off the street. Sharps containers are free to anyone who asks.

So different from my trip to Hawaii. While in Hawaii, once again I forgot a Sharps container. The pharmacy in Hawaii was so much nicer. As long as I forked over a few dollars, I got a Sharps container. Amazing!

I went to see the RA Doc. No creatine retesting, no Plaquinel yet, and continue decreasing the prednisone. Sounds like a plan.

Until tomorrow...