"We Have No Surgery Scheduled" she said

What a day. I woke up planning my week before surgery. I returned the waterproof cast covers at Walgreens. While sitting in my car near a busy intersection, I phoned my surgeons office. I had not received my pre-surgery packet. When I got the docs assistant and I asked her about my surgery packet. She replied What surgery? Huh?! I said I am having surgery on April 5th. She said no you aren't. You aren't scheduled. I broke into actual tears. I was crying hysterically. I hung up the phone. People walking by were staring. Five minutes later I decided this needed a face- to-face talk.

I got to the office and she took me in the back and explained to me it was a mistake. Turns out some temp scheduled me as an appointment not as surgery. She never left a message for the docs assistant. so, now I have no surgery time scheduled.

So no surgery on April 5th. The world has mae it clear surgery on 4/5 is a bad idea. I am at peace for many reasons. One being that even though my plans are messed up, my work commitments will be easier in April. This will work I think.

I am exhausted and need to go to sleep. thanks Sabrina.

Until tomorrow...

Here's the Plan

Today I went to see my Rheum Doctor.  She gave me a plan for the impending surgery.  Here is the plan:

1. Stop Enbrel immediately.  Until a couple of weeks after the surgery.  I have to wait to make sure there is no infection before I begin giving shots again.
2. Large doses of steroids before and during surgery to keep from having adrenal insufficiency.
3. Take double doses of steroids for a few days after surgery and then taper down slowly.
4. Be prepared that recovery can take double or triple the amount of time the surgeon says it will.

 My rheum doctor was supportive and motherly.

Then we spoke about my bone density test.  After the surgery, I will try and taper down on the steroids.  I have tried before but always have some crazy flare or something worse.  Once I get over this surgery, I will give it another try.

One week until surgery.  I am getting everything organized.  Getting my hair cut, shopping for food, getting a waterproof thing to cover my cast, putting movies on my Ipad, bought a book, and filling my Rx.

On a side note: just found out my niece and nephew both have chicken pox!! Poor dears.

Until tomorrow...

No Internet

Yesterday we had a technology breakdown. Something happened with our phone line and since we have dsl, we lost the internet. This was a problem because among other things, I work from home. I whittled my internet work down and I what little I had to do I did through my phone.
It is funny how dependent we are on the internet. All day and evening I wanted to look something up or do something and it involved using the phone or the internet. We were lucky I have a work phone line so in a pinch we could use that.
Finally today at 12pm it was fixed. Halleluah!

Focus On The Journey

It is funny. When you go on a trip people say "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” A quote by Greg Anderson. I think I have been focusing too much on the destination. Not enough on the journey of this surgery experience.

How soon will I be back on my feet? How soon will I be back at work? Will I be able to drive? Will I get a secondary infection? Will it take me forever to heal? These questions have been consuming me and quite frankly, no one has the answers. Not the doctors, not the surgeon, not even a higher power. It all depends on how things go. It is out of my control so I need to let it go. I need to block out all the voices that are leading me down that path. Because those voices are driving me CRAZY! There are no answers.

I just have to go into this surgery with the faith and positivity that I face every challenge. It is going to be okay however it turns out. Take it one step at a time. Pre-op tests completed. Check. Next I have to find out about my medication. Then I have to let my doctor know what I have decided.

Not sure if I am 100% there yet without talking to Brenda but I am feeling much better. I am so grateful for everyone who has offered up some kind words, advise, supportive words of wisdom on or off my blog. You have no idea what this means to someone who is going through a rough time making a decision. I would squeeze out a tear now but, alas, Sjogren's kicks up its ugly head again and no tears will run down my face. But know there are tears running down my face in my mind!

I will go back to finding the joy not only in the destination but also in the journey. No matter how painful that journey is! (Isn't that what pain medication is for? Ha ha ha...). She's back!!

Until tomorrow...

Thank You For Your Comments

I just wanted to leave a quick post thanking everyone for your helpful and insightful comments. Making the decision whether or not to have the surgery on my ankle has been difficult. The pros and cons have been weighing heavily on me but hearing your support makes me realize there is no wrong decision. I just have to choose. Surgery or no surgery. I am getting closer to a decision, I promise! So thank you.

Until tomorrow..

To Do Surgery Or Not To Do Surgery, That Is The Question.

Today I went for my pre-surgery check up.  I thought nothing when I went to the office, parked my car, took the elevator up, waited for my appointment.  I had my EKG with the nurse.  Then my doctor came in. And we began talking. I asked him what he thought about my impending surgery.  He said he was worried.  I asked why.  He said because I am the "poster child for RA" he is worried that I will not heal well.

He calls me the poster child for RA because if there is an infection I will get it, if there is a weird thing, I will have it, if there is a slight chance something could happen, it will happen.  I am just that person.  The Lucky Person!  I get all the gifts!  My friends laugh!

Since I don't heal well and recuperate well, he is worried this will not go well. He said I never want you to have surgery.  Ever.

Case in point: Knee surgery prior to being diagnosed took 9 months to heal.  Supposed to be up and walking in three days!  I had to have a second knee surgery because I still could not walk after the first one.

Appendicitis should take about a week to be up and moving about.  Two weeks to be part time back at work.  I was back at work at two weeks only to end up back in the hospital with a secondary infection!  Three more weeks to recoup from that.

A simple case of a cough that turned into bronchitis and then pneumonia.  You all know!  It is never simple.

Here I am in his office and he is telling me this two weeks before surgery.  What do I do?  He suggests a second opinion but that would mean putting off the surgery.  I have everything organized!  I just told all my clients and they are all ready.

He asks me if it limits my life in any way.  Well, YES.  It isn't as painful as it was a year ago or even 9 months ago but I think I am just used to it.  As we all know RA patients have crazy pain tolerance.  I think a regular person would have given up by now.  I can walk fine as long as I don't twist my foot/ankle in any way.  Once I do ZING, knife through my ankle.  So I don't walk my dogs or walk very far.  I have put on weight from not exercising.  I am not myself because I can't do things.  So, yeah, it has limited my life.

He then told me (after I asked) what could go wrong.  He said it could end up worse off then it is now.  Better the Devil you know, then the Devil you don't?

Now I am distraught. What to do?  I was so mentally ready to get this done.  Now I am so conflicted.  To do the surgery or not do the surgery, that is the question.

Until tomorrow...

Night in the Pet Emergency Room

Remember how your mom used to say "It's all fun and games until some body gets hurt." Well, I say it to my dogs when they run around and play. Last evening someone got hurt. They were running around and the little dog came inside with what looked like something on her foot. A few minutes later we noticed her foot was bleeding. Twenty minutes later it was still bleeding so I took her to the pet emergency room. She would not let me touch it and bared her teeth if I even went near it. I decided to let a professional take over (hey they get paid to deal with biting dogs!)

Turns out her baby toe nail was ripped off down to the quick! Very painful. They had to clean it off and give her some pain meds. She was so funny on the pain meds! She was standing up and weaving. She looked like a really drunk dog. Sad but so funny. Then she began dozing off in that, I am drunk but don't want to fall asleep, kind of way. So cute.

Two hours later they brought her out and her foot was still bleeding. She went back and they put a florescent pink bandage on her little foot. Then she got The Cone of Shame. Poor little girl.

The photo below is the next morning when she had a baggy on her foot to keep the bandage dry. She is holding up well despite it all. She has two weeks of antibiotics and pain meds to look forward to, as well as the cone. She should be all better just in time for my surgery. She is not too happy.

Until tomorrow!

Mizunderstood

Have you ever said something to someone and it is misunderstood? Something so innocent. The other day I said something to someone, I will call him John. very casually, with no malice. Then yesterday I found out John heard something totally different. What John told a middle person I said just blew me out of the water! It was a whole story using words I never said and would never say.
Did John make it up? Or did he really just mishear what I said? And if John misheard me, did he put his slant on it? His bias? Because what he said I said, is not what I said.
Well, I have learned my lesson. I will be VERY careful around John in the future. I will be cordial and not say much else. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Things That Remind Me Of Other Things

I was driving the other day and I saw this cute little car.  It was adorable.  It looked like a toy car.  I am really tall and I am not sure I would be able to fit in it comfortably.  I already have a small car and I would not want to go any smaller.  The car was a Smart car.  So teeny.

It made me think of these little baby socks that I bought my adorable nephew last year.  They are socks that look like the child is wearing shoes.  They are so cute.


So is the car.  The lines in the socks and the car are very similar.  The car and the socks come in the same colors. So Cute!  But I am still not so sure I would want to drive the little car. 

Have you ever seen something that reminds you of something else?  Two things that are totally different. 

Until tomorrow...

Surgery, Surgery Everywhere

Okay, we all know I have to have to have surgery in a few weeks.  Then I found out my partner has to have surgery sometime this year to remove very large fibroids. They are size of a small watermelon. I call it the alien.

Then my friend called to tell me she needs knee surgery soon. What is going on? Is there something in the water? In the air?

The three of us are going to have to help each other out. It is just surgery everywhere I turn.